angel wings and selfish things...

i'm sad to say

had i the strength

to reach my hand

out to your face,

i'd lack the spite

to drive my nails

into your eyes---

sunshower blue and storming.

you would weaken 

my already-damaged defenses:

i'd pause with awe

at the feel of my palm

on your cheek,

the warmth of my skin

on your skin once more.

go to her.

go.

i can't make myself scorn you

and you,

do you feel no remorse?

i wonder. when your eyes

saw a new day

and found mine waiting

did you not feel

that they should find hers?

look back to me

from time to time,

but run, i wish i could

push you now,

to her. 

meet her gaze

and hold it---

i know you won't spare

a glance my way,

these unselfish eyes

always looking to you...

well, you know i'm a glutton

for pain.

in darkness she's waiting

with hope in her heart,

untouched by the taste of your lies;

she knows only of needles 

and angel wings.

there were many things

i needed you to give me;

yet all she asked of you

was not to hurt her, not to burn her

like all the rest.

although at times

i close my eyes, 

i'm still not blind.

i realize there's a difference.

you never promised me.

a work in progress...

as is my state of mind, but i will get to a point where i see everything for what it is, change what i can, and accept when i cannot. i am strong enough to do that. and i will.

easy to love you

by the grateful dead.

Good, good morning, so good to see you weren't just a dream of mine 

Real as a raven, real as thunder, real as the sun shinin' 

But still so very undefined 

Can't imagine what's behind those sleepy eyes  

Little stranger, don't try to hide now 

You look so young when you're afraid 

There is no danger, but from the devil 

He may want you, but I'm in his way  

You don't know how easy it is 

You don't know how easy it is to love you  

And come the moonrise when the dew falls 

Don't be the sun that fades away 

Don't leave me darkness, she's no lover, she hides the day...

this is more of a journal entry than anything else.

here's hoping that the sun won't fade away... although i think that may be its intended course of action.

as in my previous post--- "i give, you take"--- it seems those roles won't reverse, no matter what the situation.

well, the song isn't quite the same anymore, i suppose...

the song remains the same

preface: just for the record, i don't "light up and drive" or "get too high," it just sounded good in the poem. =) okay, the end.



i guess there's perks to this
as with everything else i feel alright

light up and drive--- we get too high
don't turn back or drop your eyes

i know only this; you and i are fine
it's the wide world over that needs some time.

i give, you take, we smile
the world turns faster still
maybe our roles will reverse someday
though i doubt they ever will

i need only your eyes
with the smile they hide
and i'll blink away the pain
it's ironic to think that all my life
the song has remained the same

blue eyes telling lies,
brown ones crying,
and waking alone every day.

i mold my pain into a science,
administer it directly where it hurts--
let myself feel it,

one hand on the wheel
the other on the trigger
look myself in the eye
i fire and drive.