Wednesday, August 27, 2008

angel wings and selfish things...

i'm sad to say
had i the strength
to reach my hand
out to your face,
i'd lack the spite
to drive my nails
into your eyes---
sunshower blue and storming.

you would weaken 
my already-damaged defenses:
i'd pause with awe
at the feel of my palm
on your cheek,
the warmth of my skin
on your skin once more.

go to her.
i can't make myself scorn you
and you,
do you feel no remorse?
i wonder. when your eyes
saw a new day
and found mine waiting
did you not feel
that they should find hers?

look back to me
from time to time,
but run, i wish i could
push you now,
to her. 
meet her gaze
and hold it---

i know you won't spare
a glance my way,
these unselfish eyes
always looking to you...
well, you know i'm a glutton
for pain.

in darkness she's waiting
with hope in her heart,
untouched by the taste of your lies;
she knows only of needles 
and angel wings.

there were many things
i needed you to give me;
yet all she asked of you
was not to hurt her, not to burn her
like all the rest.

although at times
i close my eyes, 
i'm still not blind.

i realize there's a difference.
you never promised me.

a work in progress...
as is my state of mind, but i will get to a point where i see everything for what it is, change what i can, and accept when i cannot. i am strong enough to do that. and i will.

easy to love you

by the grateful dead.

Good, good morning, so good to see you weren't just a dream of mine 
Real as a raven, real as thunder, real as the sun shinin' 
But still so very undefined 
Can't imagine what's behind those sleepy eyes  

Little stranger, don't try to hide now 
You look so young when you're afraid 
There is no danger, but from the devil 
He may want you, but I'm in his way  

You don't know how easy it is 
You don't know how easy it is to love you  

And come the moonrise when the dew falls 
Don't be the sun that fades away 
Don't leave me darkness, she's no lover, she hides the day...

this is more of a journal entry than anything else.
here's hoping that the sun won't fade away... although i think that may be its intended course of action.
as in my previous post--- "i give, you take"--- it seems those roles won't reverse, no matter what the situation.
well, the song isn't quite the same anymore, i suppose...

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

the song remains the same

preface: just for the record, i don't "light up and drive" or "get too high," it just sounded good in the poem. =) okay, the end.

i guess there's perks to this
as with everything else i feel alright

light up and drive--- we get too high
don't turn back or drop your eyes

i know only this; you and i are fine
it's the wide world over that needs some time.

i give, you take, we smile
the world turns faster still
maybe our roles will reverse someday
though i doubt they ever will

i need only your eyes
with the smile they hide
and i'll blink away the pain
it's ironic to think that all my life
the song has remained the same

blue eyes telling lies,
brown ones crying,
and waking alone every day.

i mold my pain into a science,
administer it directly where it hurts--
let myself feel it,

one hand on the wheel
the other on the trigger
look myself in the eye
i fire and drive.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

pledging allegiance.

i think that 12:58 just may have been
the longest sixty seconds i've lived through;
but you've got to adjust when you're the size of
nothing in particular with
twice the misfortune,
but much better consistency---
and i refuse to let this plastic fork go to waste and i'll
never eat meat for as long as i live---
232 more years or three seconds more
(but you've just got to love america).
water boiling, 1:05 and it's down the drain
still i'll testify to its raging waters
of seven minutes past (once my
mouth isn't full--- but whose isn't?)
we all look the other way.
everyone wants more flavor but why not
pick a flower instead? just ask
its permission lest you get yourself
into a predicament.
i'll tell you.
i'll swear i'm in a cage in a sea of churning water.
hot enough to melt
the eyelashes off a (not-so-innocent)
bystander--- (is anyone still
innocent, anyway? i'll give him a dollar).
still i feel my eyeballs bleeding,
retinas boiling
back into my brain (which feels tender, oh good
maybe someone can salvage it and
make it a meal)---
and as my toenails curl and my
skin turns to rubber i'll swear
up and down i'm not proud.

of course i would find such twisted inspiration in a pot full of boiling water and ramen noodles.
i have no idea, but in a very strange way it reminds me of ginsberg's "america."
okay, make of it what you will. interesting =)

Thursday, June 12, 2008


in the heat of the evening,
stifling-- stagnant-- will you falter?
i will follow your footsteps
wherever they may lead,
and mirror your motions;
feed my fire with your fire
until we set the world ablaze.

would you take me there?
so we could rise above the ashes
and laugh at what we've left behind.
the path ahead may burn or bless us,
but our hands, united,
will fight the flames.

i'll meet you where the road ends
heart ablaze from your blue gaze
and i will jump.

will you take a leap of faith,
and join me in my fall
from your grace?


Saturday, June 7, 2008


sitting and whilin away the time, got words like flames burnin up my mind. i'll stoke the fire, watch the embers glow; a heavy, heavy burden, but a stellar, stellar show.

just showing my blog some love. goodnight. =)

Friday, May 30, 2008


on sunday i will see you,
take one look at your smile
(the adult teeth all grown in)
and tell you how much
you've grown, how much you've
changed, what a beautiful
young girl you've become.

i'll tell you i remember
that goofy smile
of years long gone,
your front teeth missing in action.
they were caught in a limbo
between infancy and adulthood---
and god knows you were, too.

maybe you were just a child,
yet i can't help but wonder
if all that thick grey smoke
has since formed clouds
on your blue eyes.

by me.